Coming out of quarantine

I never thought not being in quarantine would be harder than being in quarantine, but maybe that’s because we still have a bit of a short leash in terms of what we can and can’t do. Which is okay, the process will be slow and now it’s time to adapt to this ‘new normal’ that we had only dreamed about before. 

I was thrust out of quarantine and into the streets to protest and volunteer after the death of George Floyd in Minneapolis, and I felt like I had purpose for those two weeks. There were rallies to attend and supplies to organize. Not that those have stopped but after three protests (trying my best to distance and always masked), I became a little more weary of coronavirus. I’m missing the purpose I felt though and the sense of community, the chance to meet new people and see new faces, after being locked inside for months. I’ve resorted to doing behind the scenes work for the next few weeks, fundraising for money to buy food and supplies for those displaced by the riots and fires. 

For me personally, now I’m struggling with the feeling of loneliness. Before it didn’t matter if I had plans on the weekend (everyone was housebound), now it means I have no friends to hangout with. ~lol~ That’s been my situation the past couple weekends. Since college I’ve definitely struggled with friendships here while always wishing I was there. But that could be a whole other blog post. This week I actually have plans as if it was almost a normal week, which maybe just means that everyone is coming out of their quarantine mode. Still staying in small groups and meeting outside, masked when in crowds. As I wrote on Instagram, I know we aren’t totally out of the woods yet, the pandemic is still happening, but it feels good to have a sense of normalcy. 

When I’m bored, I like to spend time outside and usually end up doing something reflective, like walking or biking or (the less-eco friendly option) driving. I would take myself shopping or to a park for a picnic, but now I don’t feel comfortable leisurely shopping at the Mall of America because it feels like a potential threat to my well-being. I also am not quite ready to go sit on a patio at a restaurant, but I’m sure I’ll get there eventually. Another obstacle is that most restaurants are reservation-only, requiring plans to be made in advance. 

What I’m really missing are the days when Rome was the backdrop to my walks. I can’t take such stimulating strolls here in Saint Paul, though I’ve managed to find the beauty in my neighborhood that I’ve overlooked in the past. But seriously, if I ever didn’t have anything to do in Rome I would fa un giro in the city center and see the most beautiful things. I could stop for a coffee, window shop to my heart’s desire, maybe even visit a museum (but usually just because I couldn’t find a public restroom). My host mom always said sei sempre in giro, you are always out and about, roughly translated. It was true! The magic of Rome never escaped me and I soaked in every second of its Baroque glory. 

Anyways, I’m writing this post after a weekend of thinking to myself how much it sucks to be alone. Maybe you’re feeling a similar way? Or maybe you felt lonely in quarantine and now you’re rejoicing in the reunions with friends and family? Either way, it’s a strange new world we are all navigating, and though we have been given more freedom, there is still risk and anxiety existing in our everyday life. I still don’t know when I’ll be able to travel again. When borders will open, when I’ll be reunited with friends in other states and countries. I am more optimistic now then I was a few months ago, but still at a bit of a loss as to how to proceed, what step I want to take next, and where. I had almost forgotten that I made myself a “post-quarantine list” at a time when I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. The idea of making homemade pasta with a friend or going to a yoga class seemed like a world away. Now I’m pulling out that list again and starting to make plans, to begin to live fully (!!!) again. 

Share your own out of quarantine lists below, if you want!